This is a post from my Google blog.
So, of course, it is the end of an era. The end of my freshman year has come and I still feel like I'm just getting used to life here at Yale. Perhaps I'll never be used to it. Perhaps my unrest is due to other large changes in my life that happen independent of a school year.
It's strange to think how much less sure I have become of everything since I arrived on campus.
Sure, I became sure that I HATE philosophy. I became sure that I am awful at Ping Pong. I became sure that having friends is the most important thing in the world.
But on the other hand, I became so unsure of what I want to do with my life. I imagined being a doctor with my white picket fence around a loving home in a small town, but I've learned that nothing is sure. I have been given a wake up call and I know now that nothing is as it seems. You never count on things staying the same. When you think they will, everything gets turned on its head and the only thing you can do is continue on. I learned:
Yale is not filled ONLY with uber-intelligent over-committed type-A's.
Getting a B is not the end of the world. There are so much bigger things to worry about.
The person you're with now may not be the one you will be with in the future, no matter what you want.
I cannot control everything.
Some choices can't be made by other people, and sometimes you make wrong choices.
This may all seem obvious to everyone reading, but to me, these are the most important lessons I have learned this year. I only hope that my mantra "everything happens for a reason" rings true in my sophomore year.
On a brighter note, I have accomplished so much this year that I never thought I could do. I rose the ranks in several organizations and will be holding leadership positions next year. I succeeded in some of the hardest classes I've ever experienced. I became comfortable enough with myself and I joined a sorority regardless of my preconceived notions of them (one of my best decision EVER-- I love you, girls). I danced without caring who was laughing at me because I wanted to! I cried and admitted that I needed help to my new found friends. I made new friends. I got to the point where I'm so sad to leave my world here that I'm not sure if I want to be home.
This summer should be a interesting one. One of my friends wrote a note about the strangeness that will be encountered when we all return home to our old lives and old friends. I am sure I will feel out of place, but I know and love my friends from home and I know they will welcome me back. I have great opportunities to explore this summer! I will be writing case study papers for the pediatric oncology unit at Gundersen (probably about some of my friends -- weird). I will be working at the pharmacy one or two days a week. I will be taking statistics at UWL. I will be learning new and interesting things about myself and life.
This year has been an interesting one, for the most part good. I can't say I have no regrets, but I can say that I know what I want to change in the future. Most of all, though, I will miss being able to say, "It's ok, I'm only a freshman," and have everyone understand and excuse my behavior. :)
Thanks so much for all your support this year!
--me
